The Dirt Sheet ReBourne
by QueenofYourWorld
Summary: Vince brings back our favorite webshow but he adds a third host. Miz and Morrison are at each others throats and this new guy is going to be thrown into the mix. What possibly can go wrong?
1. Episode 1

**Ok here is my newest story. This will be update once a month. A new twist on The Dirt Sheet. Enjoy!**

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**_*Theme Music*_**

**_In a world full of winners and losers, three men, have risen above, to bring you........ The DIRT SHEET!_**

**_*music fades*_**

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"Hello. I'm John Morrison, and I was finally give the green light to design my Peanut Butter and Johnny T-shirt. Its available in stores today. However, I don't wear it for (opens jacket) it would hide my abs."

" Really dude?" asked Miz. "And I'm you Chick Magnet The Miz! Vince being all about his paper, that's money for you dorks, has felt our internet show needed to comeback. So being the great guy I am-

"More like the dumbest." added Morrison.

"You know, John with your attitude, you are going to be the end of the Dirt Sheet again."

"Me?" John said with distain, "If it was anyone's fault it was yours. Your face and those ugly scarves."

"What?!" screeched Miz.

"Guys can you two get along so we can get on with the show." asked the other male that sat between Mike and John. "Hi, I'm Evan, and today's episode is going to be so much fun."

"Dude why is he even here?" asked the Sharman of Sexy.

"My mom said that since we are going to be step brothers, we need to bond." Miz huffs, "So she talked to Vince and got them to add him to the show."

"Your step brother is a nerd." John chuckles.

"Can we please just do the show?" The Chick Magnet was get highly upset. The other two nod. "Ok lets take a look at one virgin from both Raw and Smackdown that are trying to full us into believing that are not.

*rolls footage*

John speaks up. "First off its Luke Gallows from Smackdown. I mean any one who follows CM Punk around, has no girl friend, is looks oddly like Festus is obviously a virgin.

"That or either him and Punk have something going on because he is always touching him." add Mike.

Eerie silence.

"Now moving on to Raw. I had a lot of Superstars to pick from." The Miz rubbed his chin before continuing. "But I finally made my choice, that person being…..Evan Bourne."

Evan eyes widen as his name was spoken. "I am not a virgin."

John was trying to keep a straight face as he replied. "Yeah right."

"We know you are Evan. But its ok, you just have to realize that nice guys come last."

Evan faced twisted in anger. They though so little of him because he was small, quiet, and stayed to himself. Than after replaying Miz's words in his head again, a smirk played on his lips.

"You know Miz, your right. Nice guys do come last but only a gentleman would let a woman get hers before they do. At least that was what Maryse told me before she left my room this morning" said Evan.

Mike sat there with the look of shook, confusion, and many other expression. John mouth just hung open. Knowing he won this round, Evan took advantage of the quietness of his co-stars and proceed to close the show.

_***theme music starts up***_

"Well that all the time we have. Remember in life there are winners…." he point to himself, "and there are losers." He points to Miz. "I'm getting it on with Maryse. BE JEALOUS!"

**_*camera fades out*_**

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**Ok. Tell me what you guys think. **


	2. Episode 2

**THanks to everyone who read, reviewed, alerted and favorited. I am so happy that you all enjoyed the first episode. And just because i got so many great reviews i got another update date for you all. In the video Morrison is playing Cena and Miz is playing Swagger. Enjoy!**

***Oh and I would like to apoligize early to anyone that reads this chapter. The section about Jack Swagger is just for fun. I am a big fan of his so dont take it the wrong way. Thank You!**

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_***Theme Music***_

_**In a world full of winners and losers, three men have risen above to bring you The DIRT SHEET!**_

_***music fades***_

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"Hello and welcome to the Dirt Sheet. I'm John Morrison and I had a private meeting with Barrack Obama this past Monday. We discussed naming a day after me."

"Really, what day is it?" asked Evan.

"That's the problem, we figure out that one day, clearly isn't enough."

Evan nodded his head. "Hi, guys. You all know I am Evan Bourne."

"And I'm your Chick Magnet, The Miz! Today's show will-"

"Um Miz remember what your mom said. Since you called me a virgin, you can't say you're the 'Chick Magnet' for a week."

The Miz turn his head at Evan and glared daggers at him before continuing. "Whatever, like I was saying, today's show we are going to show you exclusive interviews we had with the WWE Champion John Cena and World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger."

"Lets role the video footage." stated John.

* * *

_(*Video plays. Evan is in a suit seated in a chair with a pad and pencil in his hands. Across from him is John Cena(Morrison), also seated with title on his shoulder.*)_

_Evan coughs and then speaks. "So Cena, how does it feel to be the WWE Champion again?_

"_Well dog, it great. I be hanging with my dogs, bouncing and bawling, swagging it out. You know just keeping it real." said the Champ. Evan just scratched his head in confusion, but asked the next question._

"_Ok, well John since you have the belt, it mean that more guys are going to want to take it from you. If you could choose which superstar you would like to face, who would it be?"_

"_That's easier my little shorty. JoMo would forizzle be the dog I would face. Like dog, that dog got talent, and that forshizzle." _

"_Ok, next question, is it true that you and Randy are….." _

_(*tape stops rolling*)_

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John gets mad at the scene cut short. "Hey what the hell happen." Some tech guy says that the video disk had been scratch and does not want to play. This making Morrison very unhappy.

"Oh well too bad, lets move on to Jack Swaggers interview" said Mike, nodding at the tech guy to play the other disk.

* * *

_(*Video plays. Evan once again is a suit and is holding a pad and pen. Sitting across from his is Jack Swagger(Miz) and the title in his lap.)_

"_Okay Jack, its great to have you on the show. Lets just get to the questions shall we." Jack nods. _

"_So what went through your mind as you ran down the ring and cashed in the Money in The Bank case?" asked Evan as he prepared to write down the answer._

"_Well, wa-th(was) th-o(so) e-thited(excited) to win the championth-ip(championship). I th-aw(saw) a opportunity and I took it. Pretty th-art(smart) of me, wa-thn't(wasn't) it." _

_Evan took his hand and wiped the spit that Swaggered sprayed on him as he butchered the words he spoke. _

"_Ok, didn't get any of that so lets just move on. Swagger this is a really serious question. I want you to give it your best shot. Can you try and say the word specific?"_

_Jack smiles. "Th-ure(sure). Th-icific."_

_Evan looks on trying not to laugh._

"_No let me try again. Th-pific. Th-ific, Th-pipific……" _

_(*video stops rolling*)_

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"What is going on with the videos not playing." fumed John.

"Actually John, it took Swag 87 more time to realize that he couldn't say it and passed out. We felt that ending the video there would save us an hour of our life."

"Oh, ok."

"We being the Chick Mag-"

"Miz remember what your mom said." piped in Evan.

"Look, get off my back dude, if you weren't such a baby and went whining to my mom and your dad, I wouldn't be in trouble. So I suggest.."

"Suggest what, _brother?" _stress Evan.

"I suggest you shut up and keep your mouth closed to our parents or I will shove my fist down you throat!" shouted Miz.

"Oh yeah. Do it."

Miz didn't think twice before his fist connect with Evan's Jaw, causing the younger man to fall to the floor. John just sat there in silence for a second time. Evan held his chin and he picked himself up off the ground.

"I'm tell-in your mom!" And with that Evan ran out the studio to go call their parents.

"Shit, Evan get back here, I didn't want to hit you." John raised an eye to his ex-best friend. "Ok, I did want to him you just not that hard." John raised his other eyebrow at him. "Ok, I wanted to hit you that hard, hell even harder, shit just get back here." With that Miz, chased after Evan.

After collecting himself, John turn to the camera as the theme music began to play.

"Well that's it for today's show. Remember in life there are winners" points to himself, "and there are losers," picture of Evan, Miz, Cena, and Swagger appear on screen. Then it cuts back to Morrison. "I'm the Sharman Of Sexy, the Guru of Greatness, The Friday Night Delight, and.... I have my own holiday in the works. BE JEALOUS!"

***music and video fades out***

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**Ok let me know what you guys think. Thanks for reading.**


	3. Episode 3

**Hey everyone, sorry its been a while. I have been very busy lately. Ok I love Randy Orton and it was hard for me to write this, but I did. So that means any superstar is up for grabs. Enjoy.**

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_***Theme Music***_

_**In a world full of winners and losers, three men have risen above to bring you…. The DIRT SHEET!**_

_***music fades***_

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"Hello, and welcome to the Dirt Sheet. I'm John Morrison and I have been given the knowledge that the following WWE Superstars are HFR's: Big Show, Batista, Santino, and countless others I do not wish to name."

"I'm Evan Bourne. Umm John what are HFR's?" asked Evan with Miz looking on intently, wanting to know as well."

"High Functioning Retards. That Charlie Murphy is a very wise man. I must send him an invitation to the Palace of Wisdom."

The two soon to be stepbrothers had matching pairs of looks that many could tell they were processing what they just heard. For some reason they seem to be agreeing with the Sharman of Sexy. Shaking his head, Mike put his concentration back toward the camera and continued with the show.

"And I'm your Chick Magnet, The Miz. We have a very special treat for you guys. Today we are going to bring you an exclusive interview with Randy Orton. We caught up with the superstar in his hospital room. This is what he had to say."

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_(Miz is standing in front of the camera fixing his hat when the guy behind the camera tells him their rolling)_

"_Ok, hey guys were now standing in front the hospital room that Randy is currently occupying. But before we go in, I thought it would be a great idea to talk to his doctor to first." He smiles and the door to the room opens, and out steps a doctor(Evan in a bad blonde wig)._

"_Can I help you gentlemen?" the suppose doctor says._

"_Yes …Doctor..." camera takes a up close look of the name tag, "…McMahon."_

"_That's correct."_

"_Ok, can you tell us a little bit about how Randy is doing?"_

"_Well he dislocated his shoulder. Its not super serious but he will be out for a couple of months." said Dr. McMahon._

"_No sir we meant information as in…well…is he…you know..itching anywhere?"_

"_Well he did have…" however he was cut off by loud screaming._

"_I WANT MY ORANGE JUICE AND COOKIES NOW!" _

"_SOMEONE GET HIM THAT DAMN JUICE AND COOKIES. HE IS BITCHING AGAIN. GOD I CAN'T STAND HOSPITALS." and then Dr. McMahon walked away. Miz and the camera man walk into the room of Randy's as he continued to shout._

"_AND THOSE COOKIES BETTER NOT CONTAIN COCONUT AGAIN OR THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY!." The Viper(Morrison) was pointing his middle finger at him. "You are not the damn people from the kitchen. Did you bring cookies."_

_Miz holds up his bag of cookies, he always keeps a supply for himself. "I'll give you one if you talk to us about how you are doing."_

"_Fine, just give me the snacks and I'll talk." He caught the bag that Miz threw to him. "Well my shoulder sucks, out for a couple of months, doctor says…."_

"_No, we already know that, we want to know some personal things. You know." Randy looked at Miz like he was crazy._

"_The doctor told us Orton, just confirm it already."_

_Panic rose in the tanned man's face. "Look, Cena was only here to make sure I was alright, the doctor walked in at the wrong time…."_

"_No man, not that personal. Just if you had a itch."_

"_Well…."_

"_Mr. Orton, its time for your meds. Excuse me gentlemen, visiting time is over." Dr. McMahon removed a needle from his coat. Miz left the room as told._

"_Well guys that was your inside exclusive interview with Orton. I'm the Miz and I'm AWESOME!" _

_(camera fades out)_

"Very informative Miz." said John.

"Thanks." said a happy Chick Magnet.

"Well we also have something to tell our lovely viewers." All three guys had big smiles on their faces. "Next week we will be announcing the categories for the Dirtys. And you get to add the nominations. After that we will air your choices, and you the viewers get to pick the winners."

"That is exciting Evan," said John, with Miz nodding.

_(Theme music starts to play.)_

John fixes his glasses and continues. "Well that's all the time for today. Remember in life, there are winners." Each guy points to themselves. "And there are losers." Picture of Randy with cookies pops up. "I'm you Sharman of Sexy…"

"I'm your US Champion…"

"I'm cute."

And they all close together. "BE JEALOUS!"

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**I have no idea how bad his injury is and i wish him best in recovery. Hoped you liked it.**


	4. UPDATE ON NEW STORIES

Hey guys just wanted to inform you that me and a friend Aray have opened up a joint account, our pen name is Vixens of the Dark World (link on my profile as well). We have three new stories up. We will be righting Drama, Comedy, and craziness that I know you all will enjoy.

So please read and review. I'll give out cookies!

And it has been long time but thank you for reading my stories. Love you all!

And yes updates for this story will be coming soon. Trust me.


	5. Episode 4

**Morrison Muse: *looks at Queen pissed***

**Queen: *hangs head* I'm sorry.**

**Miz Muse: Sorry? That's all you have to say to us? It's been over a year and you haven't updated this story. Look at what you did to your Evan muse. *points at other muse***

**Evan Muse: *sits crying in the corner***

**Miz Muse: Do you have any idea how annoying it is to hear him cry all day?**

**Queen: No.**

**Morrison Muse: VERY!**

**Queen: Look guys you knew I was in college and things got crazy and hectic and I had no time to write.**

**Miz Muse: BULLSHIT! Okay well you did but that's no excuse in my book.**

**Morrison Muse: You better make this chapter great or there will be hell to pay.**

**Evan Muse: *nods at John's words and goes back to crying***

**Queen: *sighs and begin typing***

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_***Theme Music***_

_**In a world full of winners and losers, three men have risen above to bring you…. The DIRT SHEET!**_

_***music fades***_

"Hello. I'm John Morrison and I would like to introduce you to a very special episode of the Dirt Sheet." He moved his glasses up and sat them on his head. "It's more special than…than….the birth of baby Jesus."

Evan looks at Morrison. "No its not…but it's very close." He looks at the camera. "Hi, I'm Evan Bourne," He says giving a fist pump in the air.

"Dude that was dorky." Miz laughed.

"Says the man who lost the WWE title." Evan replied.

"Says the man who will never hold that title." Miz shouted back.

The two brother began to argue.

"SHORTY!"

"CHUNKY!"

"SHUT UP!" Morrison yelled and then tried to calm himself. "He is the Miz. Not really a chick magnet but I'm not dealing with that shit today. Now as I was saying today in a special episode because it the categories for Dirty Awards will be told throughout the show."

"Let's name the first award." Miz was handed an envelope. He opened it and smiled reading it. "Best New Look."

Evan nodded. "There is some stiff competition for that award this year."

Morrison nodded. "We have an interview with no other than Vince McMahon about his excitement over the Dirty Awards but first here is message from our sponsors."

* * *

**_*Triple H and Shawn standing behind a table of DX gear and WWE merchandise.*_**

_**Triple H:** Hello, we are D-generation X._

_**Shawn:** I know what you are thinking…Shawn you retired but not from selling stuff that you can find on WWE shop dot com._

_**Triple H:** Yes, that simple. Just go to WWE shop dot com and you can order your very own….DX towel rack. The green color is not only vivid but…._

_**Shawn:** *turns out light* It glows in the dark. *turns on lights* And there is even my personal favorite….the DX turbo fan. It gets up to a high power to match the wind speed of one of Hunter's farts after eating bean burritos._

_**Triple H:** *smacks Shawn* Anyway, even more it available at WWE shop dot com. *gives cheesy grin*_

_**Shawn:** Yes at WWE shop dot com. *gives cheesy grin as well*_

**_*video fades*_**

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"Fascinating." Evan said as the video finished and then went back to typing on his laptop.

Miz looked at him. "What are you doing?"

"Ordering me one of those towel racks."

"Why?"

"Because it glows in the dark. Just like your blow up doll." Evan smirked.

Miz glared grabbing the laptop and broke it in half but then was attacked by Evan when tackled him to the ground and the two rolled around throwing punches.

John sighed. "Caterogry two of the Dirty awards will be…." He gets handed an envelope. "….Biggest Suck Up." He chuckled. "Now on to the video of our favorite boss, Vinnie Mac."

* * *

**_*Miz (Vince) sits in a chair with a bald cap with a few gray hairs hanging down, in a gray suit, and with a scowl on his face. Morrison sits across from him*_**

"Hello Mister McMahon."

Vince growls.

"You are looking quite well today sir."

Vince growls again.

"Okay um sir. Are you ready for the Dirty awards?"

"I don't know what drives me, I don't have a clue, but I'm driven more today than I ever have been." Vince says.

"Umm sir I didn't ask….."

"As far as sustaining our popularity, I believe we can."

"But sir…."

"QUIET DAMN IT!" Vince yells his face getting red (Morrison with red paint on his face) and shaking.

"Sir, are you okay?"

"I'm not too good at lying still in the sun."

Morrison scratched his head confused.

"What were we talking about?"

"The award show for the Dirty Sheet being next week."

"From a person standpoint, the old expression of what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is somewhat true."

"So you love us sir. Good to know."

Vince is no longer paying attention. Shane (Evan) walks over and hands him a teddy bear and glass of milk. "There pop. Drink up."

"NO CHANCE IN HELL!" Vince throws the bear and tries to run only to yell once more. "MY HIP!"

Morrison laughed. "Great to know he is all pumped up to get home and wait for the show next week."

_***camera stops rolling***_

* * *

Morrison is laughing his butt off but not because of the video but of Miz and Evan who both are sporting black eyes. "You guys look like a truck ran over you and then backed up and then ran over you again."

"Hahaha, laugh it up Mr. I have glitter on my abs. Hell your butt sparkles more than Edward in the Twilight movies." Miz replied.

Evan looked at him. "You watched the movies?"

"Shut up and read the next category."

Evan chuckled grabbing the card. "An old favorite, Biggest Virgin."

Miz mumbled. "I think we already know who won."

Evan looked at him with sad eyes. "Don't talk about yourself like that."

"You want to know what you little ass wipe?"

"No I don't now shush."

Miz went to punch him when Morrison screamed.

"I CANT TAKE THIS SHIT THIS WEEK. The other categories are Most Annoying, Can't Believe I Saw that, Shut Up Now, And the most Loved Award. There chose who you want to nominate, send it in, and wait. I need a two Aleve and then bags of an illegal substance if I have to work with these two idiots." Morrison stood from his chair.

**_*theme music plays*_**

"That's all for this week of the dirt Sheet. I'm going get high." Morrison walks off.

"Umm I'm confused." Evan says.

"I'm not chunky." Miz pouted.

_***music and image fades***_

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_**A/N: I'm so sorry guys. Its just been really hectic lately. But I promise updates will come.**_

_**So again the caterogies are:**_

_**-Best New Look**_

_**-Biggest Suck Up**_

_**-Biggest Virgin**_

_**-Most Annoying**_

_**-Can't believe I saw that**_

_**-Shut Up Now**_

_**-Most Loved**_

_**Please send in your nominees for each (can only be one per each category but you can have the same person in any of them if you wish) in your reviews. Thanks all who are reading, reviewing and alerting. Thank you!  
**_


	6. Episode 5

***Sits tied to a chair with sharp objects on a cart next to me* **

**QOYW: HELP! HELP ME!**

**John: Quiet. Do you have any idea what you have done?**

**QOYW: I…I…I….**

**Miz: You forgot about us. You forgot about your readers. You forgot about this awesome story.**

**QOYW: I know it's just that I had so much going one.**

**Evan: *cries* You don't love me anymore?**

**QOYW: Of course I do. I love you all.**

**John: Then make it up to us.**

**Miz: NOW!**

* * *

_***Theme Music***_

_**In a world full of winners and losers, three men, have risen above, to bring you... The DIRT SHEET!**_

_***music fades***_

* * *

"Welcome to The Dirt Sheet. I'm John Morrison and I have a new game out called Morrisonary. It's an addictive game where fans and alike test their knowledge on all things Morrison. Game located at all participating retailers." Morrison takes a breath and then speaks really fast. "Player discretion advised. Parental Advisory: Explicit Content. There are hard and fast rules for what warrants the label and what doesn't; some f-bombs, sexual language, and a hot man taking his shirt off with no warning at all, while maintaining an edgy and hardcore style." John takes a breath and leans back.

"Dude…really?"

Morrison nods and lets out one word. "Uh."

"Whatever. I'm The Miz and that…" Miz points to Evan. "…is my annoying virgin step-brother Evan."

"Haha, I forgot to laugh." Evan rolled his eyes. "As we promised today is THE DIRT SHEET Awards!" Evan presses a button for the audience clapping effect.

"Yeah. Let get started with the first category: Best New look." Morrison said taking an envelope. "And the winner is…CM PUNK! "

"We have him on the phone now." Miz, Morrison, and even press their ears.

(phone)_"Yes. I knew I would win. You see, the people…they understand my meaning, my purpose. They don't let the moronic simpletons run their life. They look to those that pave the path of change and truth. I, CM PUNK, will not fall to the power of the 'officials' but show the world how great I really am. I…."_

"OKAY! Nice to know, bye Phil!" Evan quickly hangs up.

"Moving on. Next is Biggest Suck Up." Miz takes the next envelope. "The winner is…KELLY KELLY!"

"Obviously. We know she is sucking something." Evan does a fist bump with Mike.

John shakes his head. "Well since I don't want to hear her voice we are going to skip her acceptance call. So it's time for…Biggest Virgin."

Evan looked over at Miz.

Miz sits there with his fingers crossed muttering low. "Please be Evan, please be Evan."

"And the winner is…Daniel Bryan."

Miz sulks. 'I voted for Evan over 50 million times. He should have one."

Evan rolled his eyes. "Let's check in with Daniel."

(phone) _"You guys are asses. I am not a virgin. I had AJ and the Bella Twins. So what does that say to you?"_

"That you managed to pay them enough money to kiss you and fake it in front of everyone back stage and on camera?" Mike asked.

(phone_) "Wait until I find you, I'm going to beat your ass."_

"Sorry man I don't swing that way. Good-bye." Mike hangs up.

Evan sighed. "Sad, sad little man."

* * *

**(THIRTY MINUTES LATER)**

"So to recap. Most Annoying went to Mike and Evan." John smirked which was later met with two sets of glares.

"Natalya won I Can't Believe I Just Saw That, for her on camera farts." Evan said through gritted teeth not being able to believe he was considered annoying.

"Shut Up Now, went to Michael Cole. And really, who could not see that one coming." Mike added.

John sat up. "So now it's time for the biggest award of the night. The Most Loved Award."

Evan is handed the envelope since he is sitting in the middle. Both Mike and John lean in to read it. "And the winner is…."

"Patrice….." The boys look confused. "Who is that? I depend to know who…" A camera guy walked over and speaks into a shouting Mike's ear. "What? The writer and producer?"

"That is messed up. Where the hell has she been then? I mean, we come up with our own material!" John exclaimed.

"Yeah, that I'm cute thing was my idea." Evan spoke up.

***theme music plays***

"Well this is one disappointing show. But Morrisonary won't let you down. So that's all for this week. I'm your Sharman of Sexy.

"I'm your Chick Magnet."

"I'm cute and came up with all my own jokes and material and I be damn to not have won that award!" Evan flips his chair and walks off as Mike and John watch.

"Um…b-be..jealous?" They say unsure of what just happened.

***music and image fades***

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**A/N: I'm sorry again guys. Life has been really crazy the last yeah. But hopefully some of you are still reading this story.**


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